Today is my mom’s birthday and she is rockin’ 61 like nobody’s business.
In honor of this special lady that I’m lucky enough to call “Mom” here are 61 facts about the birthday gal:
1. She was born in 1951. Oops, that one was obvious.
2. She graduated high school in 1969 and referred to it as a “VERY good year, heh heh”.
3. She is funny as hell.
4. She was raised by abusive alcoholics and swore she’d do better.
5. Her children are so incredibly grateful that she did, and then some.
6. The father of her kids was 25 years older than her.
7. In high school, she faked appendicitis because she forgot to put the roast in the oven and didn’t want to get in trouble.
8. The best of her childhood memories were born on a tiny island in the Pacific Northwest called Vashon.
9. She hates cold cheese.
10. She has had 3 boob jobs – all voluntary – and will not mind me telling you.
11. She is a breast cancer survivor, and still has a great rack.
12. She was almost drafted during the Vietnam War because some faulty paperwork mistook her for “Patrick”.
13. She did not fight in the Vietnam War.
14. Her high school sweetheart was named Kenny.
15. Her dream car is a Nash Metropolitan in Cotton Candy pink.
16. In her dream world, everything would be painted this color.
17. She never wanted dogs. And then one day she did. And now she rescues them and loves them like crazy.
18. She weighs 30 pounds less than her daughter but we really don’t need to spend too much time on this one.
19. Laughter is her best medicine.
20. She is a huge Ally McBeal fan.
21. She’s been unsuccessful at converting her daughter.
22. She had a Twitter account before I did but has no idea how to use it.
23. She learned how to ride a motorcycle when she was a kid and has never stopped.
*Disclaimer: she would never say “bad-ass”.
24. She is a bad-ass.
25. Her most beloved dog is Misile and she has the tattoo to prove it.
26. Her most beloved child is Melisa and she has the tattoo to prove it (just checking to see if my brother reads my blog).
27. She can blow huge bubbles with her gum.
28. She will always fight for the underdog no matter what.
29. She tests and repairs meters for the Public Utility District and has been at the same company for 30 years.
30. She still balances her check book. Really? Does anyone still do this?
31. Her house is 100% paid off and she has never carried a credit card balance.
32. She loves a well-made bed.
33. She never liked dark chocolate until I told her about it. The rest is history.
34. She has absolutely no willpower when it comes to buttered popcorn at the movie theatre.
35. She prefers black licorice to red but I still love her.
36. At any given time, you can find her on at least one bowling league.
37. Her favorite games are Pinochle and Mexican Train Dominoes.
38. She drinks red wine from a box and is absolutely fine with it.
39. They used her as the model when they wrote the description of “Virgo”.
40. I can’t stop her from wiping up water from around my kitchen sink.
41. She gets more use out of one paper towel than you would think humanly possible.
42. What she lacks in patience she makes up for in guidance and unconditional love.
43. She takes 4am phone calls.
44. She wants so badly to break a glass with spontaneity and vigor.
45. She plays the lottery every single week and I like to remind her that I am her favorite child.
46. She hates flying.
47. She has never met a stranger.
48. Her world is a judgment-free, come-one-come-all zone.
49. She does jigsaw puzzles while watching movies and asks me later what the movie was about.
50. She loves country music and still thinks her daughter’s music is awful.
51. The sun makes her sneeze.
52. She once taught line dancing.
53. She put herself through college while raising two young children on her own.
54. She loves nachos.
55. She makes up her own metaphors. For example, “Don’t let ‘em know where your goats are tied.”
56. She is fluent in Pig Latin.
57. I’m not sure there’s a single thing she can’t do.
58. She’s even mastered stick figures.
59. She doesn’t think she has a creative bone in her body.
60. She is wrong.
61. She’ll never see herself as the beautiful person that I see her as.
Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you.