once upon a time our neighbors liked us. then we got a rooster. and now they don’t. the end.
Arguably we have had the most awesome neighbors. Ever. Well, they’re still there, and they’re still awesome. But recently, things have changed.
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
Long before we lost this hen last week, this other thing happened. To soften the blow, I’ll tell it to you in song. There’ll be a quiz at the end.
Now here’s a little story I’ve got to tell
About these rad neighbors we liked so well
It started way back on Labor Day
When we said “hi” and they said “hey”
They had a couple kids that were nice and sweet
They grabbed our little lady and took her down the street
Runnin’ through the grass, kickin’ off their shoes
We couldn’t have found better if we had had to choose
Two hungry yuppies we be
All by ourselves without nobody
The sun was goin’ down on this foreign street
We were all outta beer and had nothin’ to eat
Seein’ we were sad, our neighbor Lynn came by
She handed us fresh pasta, and I thought I might just die
She also brought prosecco and we were dying of thirst
How kind of these new neighbors – they barely knew us first
Her husband D came by and he brought this little tip:
“Please don’t get a rooster or else folks will really to flip.”
He said, “Do you like hens?”
I said, “Well…that depends.”
He said they can be fun
When they’re daughters and not sons
They come in fancy colors such as black and red.
We don’t mind if you keep them just as long as they’re not “Fred”
We started out with 8 hens when we bought this home
The good part of this story is about to come
Now the winter on the island, it got really cold
The raccoons come a prowlin’ or so we’ve been told
We stepped into the hen house, not sure what to do
We thought we still had eight but now there were just two
Now it was a big mess, that part is true
We had only one choice of what to do
It was a tough decision, I just have to say
But we were really used to fresh eggs each day
I said, let’s find somewhere we can place another order
We’ve got to make this right for our little blonde daughter
We looked all over craigslist, and we searched the internet
This was not a story that we would soon forget
So we called someone who had some hens but he didn’t know the sex
If we wanted hens today, we’d have to hedge our bets
Mr. Cluck Norris (true story) that was his name
And selling us spring chickens was his claim to fame
We rode for two hours then we hit the spot
The birds were a-squawkin’ all over the lot
This dude showed us around, said to have a look
5 little chickens is what we finally took
He said, “Don’t worry, you might get a rooster or two.”
“Just call me up in May, I’ll tell you what to do.”
We said, “Sure thing” and gave him our money.
A ROOSTER? We thought. At the time, it sure seemed funny.
Fast-forward two months, time has really flown
These fuzzy little chickens have just grown and grown
Last week we went to feed them, and just our luck
I said, Did that sound odd? That sure wasn’t a ‘cluck’….
This one crazy red one was demandin’ respect
The hens called him The Boss or risked getting pecked
We’re leaving on vacation and we know we’re lame
When we return in two weeks we’ll feel the shame
Our neighbors have to suffer with this little cock
I’m kinda glad we won’t hear when he wakes the block
Lovely neighbors, please forgive us, we’ll bring you diamonds and rings.
Oh, before I forget, would you mind feeding these things?
POP QUIZ: first person to name the song this was set to wins ………….. a rooster.
The good news is, I got my list down to 57 items. I sure hope they have wi-fi on the plane.
I sang it to Beastie Boys “Paul Revear” (there is no spell check on this thing and I can’t for the life of me remember how it is spelled). Maybe that is just because they are in the news right now ( I am spilling my beer in respect for the homies we have lost). I am sure you tell me how crazy I am. Happy flight!
OK. Paul Revere. Google would have been helpful before I did this post. Too early in the a.m.
ha ha ha
Winner, winner, chicken dinner! Oh that was really in poor taste.
If Mr. Hen is missing when you get home I’m sure the neighbors just let him out to play
) Btw, did you padlock that hen house or did you leave the flip flops and shovel out for the neighbors? Sorry, that was bad (and sad). Have a great flight and an amazing time on vaca. Love you all!
Ha ha ha – you are a funny one! Yes, I would be fine if Mr. Hen “ran away from home” while we’re away. I hope we don’t get a call from PETA!!! Love you and talk soon!
Dispute my absolute love for the Lunt’s and the endless fun that would be had if we were neighbors – I’d have to move!
Ha ha ha! I love the freudian slip that your iPhone put in your post “dispute” instead of “despite” – I’d “dispute” my love for us too if I lived next to us! Love you!
Lol! Darn iPhone!
Wait, do all our responsed have to be rhyme too? I’m too tired to be funny, somethings bothering me in my tummy.
Ha ha – no! Hope you get feeling better… x